Monday, September 24, 2007

I am getting good at spelling Ahmadinejad.


Snow Monkey

I have a story in issue #19 of Snow Monkey. It should come out sometime this Fall.

Here is the entire list of people who are in issue #19:

Marcia Arrieta
Matt Baker
Beata Bowen
Graham Burchell
Charlie Burgess
S. Burgess
Anne Cammon
Alan Catlin
Patrick Carrington
Carrie Chappell
MK Chavez
Bryan Coffelt
Tim Conley
Jeremy M. Davies
Lance Deal
Judith De Brosse
Andrew Demcak
John Dening
Jean Eng
Curtis Engle
Damon Falke
John Fitzpatrick
Kathleen Flohr
Jean Free
Chloe Garcia
Meredith Gresher
Phil Gruis
Perry Guevara
Marja Hagborg
Nicole Henares
Marc Harshman
Mary Crockett Hill
Kate Holmes
Nancy Ibsen
Bev Jackson
Sean Kilpatrick
James Kime
R. Kimm
Mathew Kirby
Jenny Lederer
Lyn Lifshin
Duane Locke
Dennis Mahoney
Nicholas Manning
David Massengill
Sarah Mulhern
Philip Byron Oakes
Mark O'Neil
Simon Perchik
Johanna Randall Reed
Glenn Sheldon
Jennifer Spiegel
David Starkey
Lynn Strongin
David Thornbrugh
Gordon Torncello
Girija Tropp
Sally Van Doren
Ania Vesenny
Justin Vicari
Joseph Zozaya
Frederick Zydec

Friday, September 21, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007


I felt like SHIT today. Alex and I woke up and walked around by Pioneer Square until around 2pm. We went into all the rich stores like Nordstrom and Saks and Alex basically broke an R2D2 in Sharper Image. He told it to "go on patrol." Alex's voice was angelic when he talked to R2. I wish someone else would talk to me that gently.

Then we just sat in Pioneer Square and tried to watch people but it was a very slow day for people watching. I washed down some Dayquil with Starbucks and sat blowing my nose a lot. I drew some dumb things. I called Kelsey. We walked back to Marisa's and had pizza with Allison at Hot Lips. We started drinking beer. I got kinda drunk by around 6:30 and decided to wear my Space Academy shorts to the show.

Alex had to piss really bad when we were in line and we were in front of a homeless shelter. A man kept introducing us to a lady he claimed was Betty Davis. Alex was like, "I'm gonna piss in there." He was going to take Genevieve but I went instead. (Wingman style) They probably don't get asked to use their restroom by 2 middle-class white kids very often so they said yes. Turns out it was not only a homeless shelter but probably also a methadone clinic. I stood outside the bathroom awkwardly while everyone waited in line to get their pills. Then we got the fuck out of there and I felt a little sad and depressed for a little while until the show started. Swim Swam Swum was disappointing. Everything they played sounded the same. The next band was Holy Fuck. Holy Fuck was the shit. I started to go nuts during that show and it warmed us all up for Wolf Parade. People were crowd surfing and we didn't even care. Alex let 2 people drop in front of him. No one crowd surfs over Alex.

Wolf Parade was fucking crazy. Everyone surged forward and we got caught in the middle of the mosh pit trying to protect our petite friend Genevieve. I was throwing elbows and screaming. It was amazing. I only lasted a little while before I started to feel like I had the flu and then I got water and watched the end of the show from a safer distance. They played new songs and old songs. They played everything we wanted to hear. When the show was over we went to Muchas Gracias in Vancouver, WA @ like 2 am. My body felt like it was going to tumble apart. It didn't. We went back and slept.

Saturday, September 8, 2007


I started to get a cold the second day we were here and it finally settled into my sinuses on Saturday. We hung out with Hans and Casey and got cheap pizza and PBRs at Rocco's. Then we came back here and laid around for a while. Then Alex and I reluctantly wandered down to Ghostface Killah because we knew we'd regret not going. Some hardcore band called The Bronx opened. They were loud and screamy. Not my thing. But Ghostface was fucking COOL. I believe I heard him say something about a new Wu Tang joint next year (minus ODB).

After Ghostface Alex and I came back to Marisa's and drank some beers with Marisa and her friend Allison. Then Alex, Marisa and I went to see The Thermals at the Crystal. We missed 2 of the openers for Ghostface but we got to see comedian Eugene Mirman who was hilarious. Then some asshole fuck in the balcony started yelling "Less Talk, More Rock" which sounds like a slogan from a cock rock radio station. I was getting pissed at the crowd but I was excited to see The Thermals so I held my head up. Then the Dayquil I took before the show started to kick in and I started to get a little crazy and bored. The Helio Sequence came on and I found out what they sound like. (Bad.) I started writing obscene things on a sticky note pad that I got for free at the show and throwing them on the floor. I tried to get through the whole notepad but I didn't. Marisa and I left during The Helio Sequence and went to a music store and looked at vinyls and talked shit about things. We got back just in time to see The Helio Sequence get off the stage. By that time it was 12am and The Thermals went on. People started chanting "Portland." We were getting angry. Yes, they are a Portland band. Yes, we are in Portland.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE The Thermals. They are cool as shit. Their Portland fans suck fucking ass though. There was a creepy ass super-fan in the front row wearing a They Might be Giants t-shirt. He was creeping us out because he was eye-fucking the bass player. There was a mosh pit to the right of us that kept getting bigger. It was dumb. People were crowd surfing. They ruined a perfectly good show. This is what happens when you have other shows that the 21+ crowd can go to instead. The under 21 venues get filled with dumb people. Fuck.

Here are pictures:


The Thermals


Friday, September 7, 2007


I woke up this morning early with my ears ringing like a mother fucker. I woke up early and I went to pump money into the meter and I got a $60 parking ticket. I parked in a "carpool parking" spot. Who the fuck cares if you are parking and carpooling. I understand fucking carpool lanes but fuck the carpool parking.

Then I walked around and drank some coffee and called my lady. Then I met with Alex and Marisa.

Anyway. Last night Spoon was fucking good. Viva Voce rocked my ass. Black Joe Lewis started shit off right.

Here are pictures of Spoon and Viva Voce:

This is what we did today and tonight:

We saw Deerhunter and Grizzly Bear and then headed over to the Crystal to catch Rilo Kiley. We had to sit through some pretty crappy openers but Rilo Kiley played a good show. Alex and I got stuck seeing the show around the most annoying tranny and her boyfriend that I'd ever seen. Wouldn't have cared except the tranny was obnoxious and stomping on Alex's feet, etc. Wanted to chop off said tranny's arm because s(he) kept raising it in the air at stupid and inappropriate moments. There were also a lot of fat 13 year olds around us and the tranny. I started to get irritated and I think I have a cold.

Good parts of the day:

-Walking around with Marisa and Alex and making fun of shit.
-GRIZZLY BEAR WAS AMAZING. They are good musicians.
-Going to Powell's.
-Buying cool stuff.
-Spending money.

Bad parts of the day:

-Obnoxious trannies.
-Hurting feet.
-Starting to get a cold.

Fuzzy Rilo Kiley pictures: (Okay, they're just Jenny Lewis. She is beautiful.)

Thursday, September 6, 2007


I woke up yesterday morning and had my usual breakfast of coffee, Tums and ibuprofen and then started putting a new roof on my parents house. I even swept their chimney. This should have been my first warning that I am not, nor will I ever be a hipster.

Alex and I embarked on our journey this morning to Portland to see a lot of bands.

The night before Alex said, "I'd like to be out of here around 9." I told him that I would be at the apt. at 8:30. I got there at 8:50 and felt a little bad because I expected him to be up and around. I found him in bed still because he thought I would be his alarm. He took Percocet and Valium the night before so he was sleepy. :(

He got packed and I started writing this and then my neighbor asked for a jump start. Alex didn't have any clean clothes but he found some that were "fine."

We decided that we would 1.) Go to Safeway and get his check 2.) Mail his rent check (it was late already) and 3.) Pay the electricity bill.

His Safeway check was not very much so it left him with $60 for the weekend and the wristband for the shows was $40.

An ATM ate his card because he is forgetful but I still love him. I hit him on the nose with a rolled up magazine. Lovingly, though.

As we pulled out of the bank parking lot he told me, "I only have one pair of underwear. The one I'm wearing." So we went back to the apt. and he grabbed some that I voiced were "questionable" and he said they were fine.

"You just have to throw them in the closet for like two weeks and forget about them and then when you find them again it's like they're clean."

So we got going. Well, first I treated him to some Taco Bell. Then we drove for a long time and pissed and shit along the way. And we also got lots of Red Bulls.

When we got to Portland Alex was getting directions from Marisa and trying to translate them into directions for me. There was a lot of, "I totally know where we are." And I started to freak out because I am a hick from a mill town and I don't know how to drive in the city. There was a lot of, "JUST GET OVER!! HE'S LETTING YOU!! DON'T BE A PUSSY!!" And then we went to the wrong side of the river first and then we went back across the river to where Marisa was and got wrist bracelets for Music Fest. Then we walked to Subway to piss. No one was making sandwiches. They were all outside smoking cigarettes.

Then we went to the Cat Power show and stood in line and we weren't early enough so it sold out. There were many hipsters lined up waiting to see Chan Marshall. The girls were skinny and had the same bangs that Chan Marshall has. Then, after not seeing a show, we came to Marisa's and got beer at Safeway and now that's where we are. I am drinking beer and I feel content because we are seeing Viva Voce and Spoon tonight. I am happy. I don't have Tums or ibuprofen so I don't know what breakfast will be like tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

narwhal vs. manatee: who will win?

narwhals are sea unicorns

manatees are sea cows

they are both sad.
neither wins.