BULLSHIT DANE COOK DRAGON
I am drinking wine and thinking about a girl who got hit by a car near my apartment and died today. I am thinking about what that means exactly. I am thinking about sleep paralysis and how scary it is to be awake and not able to move or talk. My friends don't invite me when they go somewhere. I am basically a dragon. I am a hollow dragon that is starting to get filled with rich chocolate Ovaltine and demeaning pornography. I can't breathe fire. I have to re-spackle parts of walls in my apartment because I don't want to pay for damage.
There is a man with a gun here to hunt me down because he thinks I have treasure so he puts a .357 magnum to my dragon head and says, "Give me the treasure you rape dragon." He blows my dragon head off and the bullet goes through my wall and kills my neighbor and then it goes through his neighbor head and kills the next neighbor and it goes through his neighbor head and kills the next neighbor and then it goes through his neighbor head and out his window and hits a tree. The tree is full of treasure. Someone has to re-spackle every apartment on the top floor of the apartment building.