Tomorrow I will leave my cube for a week. I am going on a trip with Kelsey, Kurt, and Karen to Eugene, OR for a night and then to Portland, OR for 3 nights. I will probably spend almost the entire time walking around or buying books and coffees and probably some beers. I am going to walk around the PSU campus and hopefully try to avoid doing tourist things or looking like a tourist because I plan to live there soon. I'm applying to the MA in Writing: Publishing program this winter. If I get accepted, I'll start in the summer.
After we get back from Portland, Karen and I are driving down to Oroville, CA with our parents to visit family. I am excited to hang out with Mike Young while I'm down there. He will also be coming up to Ashland, OR after 1/1/09 to hang out up here with the Ashland crew.
I need to get away from my daily routine, because I feel my seasonal "hyper-awareness-of-my-mortality-and-ultimately-what-I-perceive-to-be-my-failures" setting in. It's not S.A.D., it's more like F!U!C!K!E!D!
I have this fantasy that I won't check my email at all during my "vacation," and that I won't obsess over my Google Reader or my Twitter or my Flickr or any of those things that were designed to bring human beings together but are ultimately thin and alienating simulations of reality that in recent years have started to devour us (me).
Right now I'm listening to Lykke Li. I really like this song: Lykke Li - I'm Good I'm Gone. I would call it "ominous Swede pop." Or maybe "insistent Swede pop." My lower back feels a little weird right now. I also feel kind of full even though I didn't have a big lunch. I had a big breakfast burrito at like 8 a.m. but it's now almost 4 p.m.
I forced myself to download some upbeat music the other night. I downloaded a bunch of hip-hop and Diplo remixes. The mood and music of this entire year has been full of melancholy and sometimes dread. Actually a lot of dread. And fragility. Whenever things start to go to shit, it's hard for me not to consider the tenuous bridge between my "consciousness" and that other thing, whatever it might be. Something, maybe. Maybe not.