Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

I normally don't do New Year's Resolutions, but this year I'm going to. Here is a list of my sincere hopes for what I'd like to change in 2009.

1. Lose 10 pounds - This was actually something I intended to do by my birthday, but apparently it's hard to go from 195 lbs to 185 lbs when you drink lots of beer.
2. Drink less - I am going to try to drink less alcohol. Nobody die or get married.
3. Get accepted into the MA in Publishing program at Portland State - This isn't technically a resolution, but I think writing it down in a blog will give me better odds. Maybe I'll italicize it using HTML so God will see it.
4. Have better, cleaner stuff - Like from Ikea or Samsung. Something like that.
5. Try not to say too many snarky things about stuff I think is stupid. Like the band Journey. - I think this alienates people (who like stupid things).
6. Try not to bitch about "The Economy" or "Politics" too much. - Because they are abstractions and thinking about them brings my body negative physiological effects. It's not fair. "Politics" and "The Economy" can't think, "BRYAN COFFELT" and then get sweaty and tense, so why should I?
7. Tone down my exploration of social media and the Internet in general - This will be hard, but I think it will be good for me. I think the Internet gives people anxiety and could lower human life expectancies.
8. Eat more vegetables and vegan-type foods - I don't want to be a vegan, but I like eating some vegan foods. I need to have more days where I just eat fruits and vegetables. I need to eat less canned soup and less chips and salsa.
9. Try not to think of human existence as a flash in an infinite amount of non-existence - This is something that I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about sometimes. Maybe I should get some Ambien or something.
10. Try not to project my own life out to its end - This is something that I don't mean to do but end up doing in the winter. I daydream a lot and end up creating fast forward projections of all the different ways my life could go before it ultimately ends. It's disgusting. Maybe I should get some Ativan or something.
11. Try to say "douchebag" and "fuck" less. Or quieter. - Saying "douchebag" out loud is starting to make me physically tired. Maybe it's because there are so many douchebags in the world.

I think that's enough for now. Maybe I'll come up with more before tomorrow.


Mike Young said...

there is so much brush work being done outside your kitchen

Tara Rose Crist said...

ha ha!

this rocks!

#6 is brilliant...

Mo said...

i agree with many of these.

Mo said...

i agree with many of these.

Annie Lo said...

These are the best resolutions I've ever seen. Put them on your fridge.