Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i am so bored

I am so bored (Part II)

I am so bored that I wrote several definitions on my face.
I am so bored that I dyed my landlord.
I am so bored that I disguised myself as Axl Rose disguised as Slash's hat.
I am so bored that I just changed my display name to π.
I am so bored that I drank a lot of coffee and felt productive and sad but
didn't do anything productive.
I am so bored that I keep imitating the floor.
I am so bored that I made a new Hotmail account and logged in and out of it
and then deleted it.
I am so bored that I made a slinky out of bones.
I am so bored that I fell apart when I slept.
I am so bored that I paid an elf to lift my coffee to my lips.
I am so bored that I drugged a heifer.
I am so bored that I crunched a new bag of Lay's and threw it at a skateboarder.
I am so bored that I designed intuitive new software for describing world leaders.
I am so bored that I bought a jackpot's worth of lottery tickets.
I am so bored that I invented a new kind of poverty.
I am so bored that I field-hockeyed a cumulonimbus.
I am so bored that I bequeathed a softball team.
I am so bored that I made a NES emulator for a rotary phone.
I am so bored that I painted every mirror in the United States black.
I am so bored that I pawned off cats. :(
I am so bored that I developed a marketing strategy to sell McRemote Controls.
I am so bored that I marshaled a Battlefield Earth re-enactment.
I am so bored that I bid on a bet on eBay.
I am so bored that I stared at green LED's for a fiscal year.
I am so bored that I started a band that uses cars as instruments.

i am so bored

I am so bored (Part I)

I am so bored that I chopped off my own head with your slight overbite
when I saw you in Wal-Mart checking out 3-packs of white Hanes t-shirts.
I am so bored that I grew a goatee shaped like the NBC logo.
I am so bored that I bought a pet velociraptor at the mall but it died
because it was malnourished and diseased.
I am so bored that I married a bottle of expired Robitussin.
I am so bored that I converted a sad ant to Islam.
I am so bored that I wrote a letter to Dog the bounty hunter
requesting that he immediately mail me a lei.
I am so bored that I notarized an ant lion.
I am so bored that I filled my bathtub with Mad Dog 20/20 and drowned
my Robitussin wife in it.
I am so bored that I outsourced my boredom to a middle-class Peruvian.
I am so bored that I broiled an iPhone.
I am so bored that I made a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet and pie charts
for the amount of boredom in the United States over a period of 20 years.
I am so bored that I mailed a tarantula named Bill Gates to Mitt Romney's
campaign headquarters.
I am so bored that I e-mailed you a soda but you must have given me a fake e-mail.
I am so bored that I went to a high school and pretended to be a confused substitute
teacher and excused myself profusely.
I am so bored that I grew a second head that grew a beard and quotes Noam Chomsky to strangers.
I am so bored that I adopted an incontinent newt.
I am so bored that I grew a hat.
I am so bored that I lost an underwater wrestling match.
I am so bored that I carpentered a table using pilfered Audis.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

elimae

mike young, daniel bailey and i have things in the new elimae.

mike and daniel will also have stuff in the first edition of barnaby jones.