Monday, July 6, 2009

"Orca Fight Porno," I Tweet

Our hero, Miley Cyrus, televises her Hep B as
Slipknot serenades us. The Hep B telethon involves
an HIV-positive rhino named Anderson Cooper.

Lawrence Welk is there. Chubbier and milkier, I guess,
but still genteel. He has a Pekinese and they merge.
A riot breaks out. Poet Tom Orange thwacks Miley's junk: zing!

Chad from Nickelback is jerking off
tall preteen mermen in the corner
and Miley says "Haha stop it."
MC Escher humps Octomom a little. Hella dope, yo!

Our live-in herpetologist Dave
spots Ayn Rand tonguin' a puppy
and starts fappin' immediately
so we kill him, but he comes back
from the dead as a guy named Lord Vomit.

As firemen fight Lord Vomit (Dave) with colt sperm,
a cafeteria's littlest Hello Kitty porn toy
deescalates Tiny Hitler, fiery erectile cicadae
shiv a divorcee, and a hyphy owl hunts Miley Cyrus.

The owl wants to sell Hannah Montana's cleavage on eBay,
But Harry Potter appears and fucks the owl with Tofurky.
"need a shamwow pronto, this owl hella gooey lol," Harry twitters.

Miley's shareware hymen is on TV, oops. The Jonas Brothers recite Lacan,
discuss jouissance, and compare purity rings.

Lil Wayne does an adult education version of "A Milli."
It's a decree revoking our Summer's Eve douche/dildo.
It's perplexing and kinda shitty.

Some hippies are playing "Two Girls One Butt Teepee"
and Ayn Rand's rotten frog butt is on fire. I navigate to
www.confidentvirginoeuvre.com but I receive an error.
Elliot Spitzer's Howitzer is doing wheelies on holy
bucktoothed Jesus' overbite, tee hee!

Billy Ray Cyrus says, "Shh, shit, I'm trying to fuck Sarah Palin's
eyes to the Nth degree! Hut-hut hike!" And he returns to his trailer,
but I can see his thong. Eleven velvet meat hooks line the brown trailer.

A horny teen kitten is emoting Nixonian evil; I am thrilled!
"Needed: Effete Pet Kit."
Grandma twat go "Oink! Hee hee! Huh? Tighter!"
I'ma hit that, no doubt! I'm in debt, or maybe not, now.

The Hulk eats tofu; he leaveth Reno to the Renoans.
Re-elect Jenny Vet (Per Furor), uh, he hot!
I botched milking a love puppet for venom but look, I deleted it.
Perverted tweet: "Hump woven cock twixt gentlewomen putt-putting, UH!" Perfect.


***

This poem is an anagram of the first song on Clipse's album Hell Hath No Fury, "We Got It For Cheap (Intro)."

9 comments:

K. Silem Mohammad said...

No fucking way. This is amazing.

Willie Ziebell said...

O jeez. You were right. You've done something amazing, Coffelt.

K. Silem Mohammad said...

You need to transfer a G from somewhere, though, and correct the spelling of "Pekinese" to "Pekingese."

Maybe, for example, you could take the G from "putt-putting" and then break what's left down into "putt-putt" and "in," finding some way to reorder the phrase it's a part of.

Bryan Coffelt said...

i think pekinese is okay - check it:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Pekinese

K. Silem Mohammad said...

Check.

Mo said...

this is outstanding. you are macho.

alix norman said...

i read it again. the ending is grand.

p. edward cunningham said...

miley cyrus deleted her twitter account.

it's big news.

Bryan Coffelt said...

i've heard. some people are very sad about this.