Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Nothings

Friends, 2009 has been a weird mother fucker--a strange end to a terrifying decade. It was a year of celibrideaths and econopocalypse or whatever your neologism of choice was. Nothing really seemed to stay static, did it? I spent much of the summer sleeping on couches and in a Maker's Mark-induced fog, then moved to a strange new city. I mean STRANGE.

Many of you witnessed me in various states of ridiculous--but what's new, yeah? The decade was a tug of war for everyone, I think. We spent a good chunk of The Nothings under the thumb of people hell bent on creating a trickle up effect. I don't know how any of us survived Bush. Guys, I know half of you voted for the dude and part of me wants to ring your goddamn necks, but I'm pretty forgiving. I've never been super great at the grudge thing. But if you put that AlaskanbulldogroguelipstickmaverickhockeymomJesusfreakweirdchildnamer anywhere near the Oval Office in 2012 I'ma bounce. For real, people.

This would be the paragraph where I start talking about all the things to look forward to in the next decade, but that's not really how I get down. Besides, most of us drank enough Hope Kool-Aid in 2008. It's not that I don't want to be optimistic, it's just that I haven't had the training. I don't have the certificate. The Nothings made up a little less than half of my life so far, and these haven't really been the happiest of formative years. You and I both know what single event is going to symbolize this entire decade. And yes, I guess I am a little bitter that the past 10 years have been such a time of seriousness. Ladies and gentlemen, I would have much rather spent my teens and first part of my 20s in an age of frivolity. Best I can say about The Nothings is that they taught me a lot about the true nature of people and life. There wasn't really much wool around for us to pull over our eyes. When I think about this decade, I feel like I have a hollowed-out double wide in my chest. Or a falling tower. Something.

Here are my New Year's resolutions:

1.) Try to develop real, meaningful connections with more people. Whatever that means.
2.) Find more joy in small things. Don't laugh, it's something I've been meaning to do. Plus, it's all I can afford right now.
3.) Put something together that is "manuscript length."
4.) Watch every episode of LOST so I can share in this grand finale with you freaks. Also, because I have a feeling they don't know what they're doing and you're all going to be disappointed. I just want to be able to share this with you.
5.) Punch you haters in the face with a mountain, okay?

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