Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Something Daniel Bailey read to Google Voice. Transcribed by Google Voice.

Africa. The book ones. Also, I'm put one eat with R B softer enhance and Gettys eat it too that you have Trica, afraid of not offering their our best to if not. The of of what so I have a Baxter when Joe Africa when she had a year. Okay wind set of the name of a really cool horse that remodeled kitchen for a couple of remember whether this is Mark to the pool with T fight over head projector is the conflict all blades like a water ground free and you are so special. You are so unique. Everyone coop. I would like to give a shout out to the first half of this. I love you. We have been through so much together my friends is boarding because I don't have a commercial breaks, but the and that is where we make love and that is really shoot missiles into each other's eyes as Mary cut off express soup to flus Bob, Thank you. Full chamber pot. I have to. I am naked. I am a hot I will have that part with my fingers sometime after death lady products journey. Anyway you want it. Genius relevant another diet God became a licensed sponsored I am tired right diet you need, Tinsel religion. I am make it again. He didn't discover that I did that was the go. Polar bears. Very funny. Why fashions don't give me money. Give me 10 days, so last arrest listeners the snowing a house delivery. Voices the send exactly the same Science in common objectives. Tomorrow I will forum hill in one of this nature. That you need to demands.

***

Audio :

I read some Nietzsche to my Google Voice account and let it transcribe it

Doctor one prejudices hopeful off the first one, the will to true which is to temp. That's a mini hazardous Enterprise the same is true format. So which all full offers have said that she's spoken with respect. What questions. Has this will to truth, not laid before us, but strange perplexing questionable question is already a long story, yet it seems as if it were hardly command. Is it any wonder if we had last go. Distrustful lose patience and turn the patient Leo way.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"The attempt to link sacrifice to a nonexistent deity brings to mind Paul Valéry's description of poetry as a purely solipsistic activity practiced by the more able solely out of love for art, while the less able persist in the belief that they are actually communicating with someone!" -- René Girard in Violence and the Sacred

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hey, Paul Zukofsky!

Instead of putting out stupid notices, maybe you should try to get some of your dad's poems back into print!

Have you ever heard of royalties?

No? Okay, well you should ask your lawyer how that works.

No, no, poets are not usually known for their fat pockets.

No, your dad was not Lil Wayne.

It is unlikely that your current position will cause you to be popping mad Cris.

No, but you might be able to have some walking around money.

Maybe you could even get some big boy money!

I'd sure love to buy a copy of your dad's book "A", but it's, like, impossible to find, yo!

Please rethink your position, dude.

-Bryan Coffelt

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Selection From "The Longest Poem In The World"

im bored and hot :(

and I guess not

Made it through gym without dying! Gonna shower and go back to bed.

total skipped english and now im watching grey's anatomy instead

So get out your seat and jump around!

Love . . . and coffee make the world go round.

I think I shall have a bowl of cereal and then get ready to leave.

Get yourself on the feeling good frequency, and you will receive.

Count down for the wedding nails and tanning today

I'm sick :( And bored... :( And.. have nothing else to say.. :P

and the winner is Lou Diamond Philips

And these are for the groceries ms billups....

leaving the vineyard today. time to pack up - and hit the road.

Time to get some coffee and settle down to my english load :/

have to stop masturbating and begin reading the savage detectives.

I am intelligent and can see from so many perspectives.

me and my wrist are officially on a knitting vacation

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation....

Have now been told that Im looking skinny and slimmed down

last day before fall break and jaclyn comes into town!!!!

***

http://www.longestpoemintheworld.com/

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Contents of The Hobby Book

Learning To Sail With Model Yachts
Model Airplanes
Bringing Nature Into The Home (Plant Collecting)
Learn How To Signal Messages In Code
Make Your Own Decorative Dishes (Pottery Work)
Constant Friends And Pleasant Companions (Pets)
Learning The Art Of Wood Turning Leads To Pleasure And Profit
A Masculine Clothes Rack
Novelties From Nuts
Two Good Wall Shelves
Drum Lamp
The Gallumpin' Bucephalus
A New Convenience For Lazy Bookworms - A Revolving Bookcase
First Aid For The Modern Kitchen
Mr. Wobbly Duck
Cutouts (Novel Accessories For The Home)
Ring-O, A Dandy Shooting Game
Pointers On Scroll-Saw Jobs
Alphabets (Scroll-Saw Patterns)
Legs And Brackets
A Model Cabin Monoplane - Easy To Make
Easy Experiments At Home Illustrate Scientific Facts
For Your Experiments - A Two-Scale Thermometer
Collecting Butterflies And Moths
How To Rig A Racing Model Yacht
Fun With Paper - Using Crepe To Perform Works Of Magic
Model Railways
Sports (an analysis of form in Middle Distance Running, Pole Vaulting, Broad Jumping, Javelin Throwing, High Jumping, Hurdling, Discus Throwing, Shot Putting, and Tennis)
Bird Bath And Sun Dial Glorify The Garden
A Garden Lily Pool - An Inexpensive Concrete Ornament
Concrete Steps - Safe - Enduring - Clean
Shuffleboard - A Deck Sport Comes Ashore
Modern Picture Craft (Photography)
Camera Bas-Reliefs
Camera Cartooning
Show Your Snapshots With This Projector
Give Your Snapshots That Third Dimension
Making Big Ones Out Of Little Ones - How To Build A Photo Enlarger
Making Lantern Slides
Recording The Home Life Of The Birds
How To Make Silhouettes With The Camera
Making Photo Bleach-Outs
Voyages Of Discovery With A Microscope
How To Build A Model Racing Low-Wing Monoplane
The Hobby Of Kings (Collecting Stamps)
Needlecraft - A Useful Art For Young Designers
How Good Are Your Eyes?
Adding Thrills To An Ancient Pastime (Kite Construction)
Giving The Dog A Home (Plan for a Model Dog House)
Collecting Coins - The Hobby Of Numismatics
A Worth-While Occupation - Weaving A Cane Basket
Weaving Rush Seats - A Revival Of An Ancient Craft
You Can Build This Simple Glider Quickly
Be Your Own Theatrical Producer (Plan for a Miniature Theater)
An Age-Old Craft - Making Printing Plates
How To Build Your Library With Bound Magazines
Learn To Carve Soap Statuettes
Cast Your Own Models And Toys
Insignia Of Fighting Air Forces
Fun With The Longbow (The Hobby of Archery)
A Rush Shopping Basket
Basketry Weaves
Costumes And Period Dress
Simple Devices Make Trusty Weather Prophets

***

This is the table of contents for the 1944 book The Wonderland Of Knowledge: A Pictorial Book Of Handicrafts and Hobbies.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Imams, Mom, Or Rosy

Yummy yummy, whippets in Ikea
listenin' to Foreigner with Mormons!
I come through doing ski jumps off an ogre.

Mom evicted me, that uppity Trekkie.
Don't she know l'm a cutter?
That I'ma kill her with a soggy Nutter Butter?
I look cool. I drink Miller Chill.
I rock a fleece when I'm cold, bitch.

"Blam blam blam blam,"
goes the Palm Treo,
"sorry for the Gorgon orgy."
'seems sweet' says Tao Lin
as he becomes Afghani through osmosis.

I'm Bob Villa, do you like hardwoods?
Do you like listening to Pascal sucking Borges?
Can I install Ubuntu in your butt?
Our Xbox tryst feels so good in my pocket --
you like how I set that ass on fire
like Branch Davidians?

I play Bocce ball on an Imam's face
in accordance with Islamic law.
And oh, how summer shrugs on in a monotone,
spouting Sharia and handing out info about cirrhosis.

Pol Pot ephemera dots our teeth where Moors fucked catbirds
and where you first touched me. Ohio's Facebook status says
"listening to Taylor Swift and fucking cake, shit!"
(When I die, bury my Facebook;
I don't want my Notifications to accumulate forever.)

Our kink smocks and our primitive rhythm
shoot out catamaran windows --
shout out to these stormy forts. Wow. Sorry. Typos!
Mom porn! Syrup! You can't ice the Iceman! Oh, eek! Beck!
O, cryptic October, I am a Xerox lollipop fucker!
Calmly, I face a taco. A voice says, "Be horrified."

Bivalve relic mommy, I rage against the dying of the
horniest nondemocratic milf. Oops, I meant
elf. Hey, it's an accident. I'm only humanzee.
Let the limp, acetic girl die from an old quaalude;
let her face delete time like hot lead denying breath.

Glenn Beck drinks Yemen's moldy ovum as
treelike sluts fly hegemonies into towers, yo!
Hmm. Rookie move. Sacred crotch monsters in the sky
fall as spent cash. A loss of megabits sends Snoopy
whirling through existential crises.

Cyborgs seldom goof Crips at the Penis Rodeo.
(With young Ativan hoes screaming "Sucks to your
ass-mar?" -- hell no.) Piggies everywhere feel
ashamed of their togetherness and their Tekken prowess.

Emaciated Hittites vomit kittens as mommy
iChats with abalone (intra-uterinely).
"Me? Mandarin smoked doe, please. Or the refried police.
And a side of mammy bicep. Thanks."

Today, roadies herd Smurfs to
Gargamel's house so he can eat them
then poop them out. So blue! So sweet the
Smurf meat! I'd like to eat Papa Smurf.

I'm hosting a webinar in my womb on
Steve Perry's hymen and, um, America.
Oh, aha! And, you know, sexual helicopters.
I refuel my head with heroin, Hulu, the
Rutger Hauer Vietnam Vet gag reflex, and Him.
Yeah, uh, Him. That reminds me...
My pinkeye... Your banana... Sorry!


***

Anagram of the second song "Momma I'm So Sorry" on Clipse's album Hell Hath No Fury.