Monday, October 11, 2010

Entertainment for People 10/10/10 RECAP

Last night's "Entertainment For People" was awesome, and if you missed it, you kind of suck. But here's a recap and a few vids to tide you over until the next one. Host/poet/musician Derrick Brown kept everyone on their toes with (sometimes) ad libbed lyrics, poems, (one of which included the lines "I don't care if you made that dress, hippie / I'll shred it") and his generally hilarious wit.

Author Steve Almond read from his new book Rock and Roll Will Save Your Life as well as parts of his self-published book Letters From People Who Hate Me. Highlights include a section of the new book wherein Steve admits to lathering deodorant on his "junk," hate mail from someone who claims they've submitted Steve's name for rectal research, and un-ironic Air Supply.

My girlfriend and I helped pass out delicious cupcakes from St. Cupcake. (I gave one to Steve, though my girlfriend claims she was the one who gave him the cupcake. I refuse to bicker over something so silly as giving one of my favorite authors a cupcake, but between you and I, dear readers, my cupcake tray was the winner).

Filmmaker Scott Kravitz told a story about his bread maker. It was sad, and I felt like he was telling a story about a lost love. After realizing he never actually eats any of the bread he makes, and that he actually doesn't know how to make bread (mix ingredients, press start on bread maker), Kravitz decides it's time to end things with the bread maker. "I gave the bread maker away," he said, "we parted ways as friends." I wonder what happened to all the bread makers in the world. Do people still have them in their basements, sitting unopened in the boxes they left Target in? Or is there a large underground bread maker repository somewhere? Do people still use bread makers?

Beth Lisick busted out her list of 68 Things That Make [Beth Lisick] Cringe. Audience members then shouted out numbers, and Beth described the terrible things that made her cringe in one minute or less. I think this is something that should be required of every human being.

B. Frayn Masters (writer and proprietor of - a dating site for people who want to date cats) read some of the work she has done for an unnamed semi-pornographic magazine. Beth Lisick commented that it was confusing and very avant garde. Here are a few of my favorite phrases from the pieces she read:

"Generous titties."

"An awesome sting of naughtiness."

"If you don't know who the fuck Anais Nin is, all you need to know is that she's French."

"Maximum turn-on outfit."

Here's a video of Derrick Brown singing one of his songs:

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This Is Why.

I'm not the first person to say this, and I won't be the last. I resent Existence. I resent being put in this suffering sack. How could you not be hateful? It's imperfect, and all we do is "strive for perfection"; but it's not gonna be snagged. I promise. Perfection is Nothing. It's funny, right? That my politics/personal statement/letter of intent is based on Nothing? A promotion of Nothing As Perfection?

I am Bryan Coffelt, and I approve Nothing.

And Existing (blahblahblah) makes other people suffer. You meet people, people love you, they lament your death. Or you meet people, you are an insufferable asshole, they love you anyway, they still lament your death. That's all we do; we mourn for each other before we're even dead. All we do is mourn.

I'm just fucking pissed. I Hate that I Exist and Love and Will Lose You All/Will Be Lost.

I'm not going to kill myself, obvs. Sunrises and shit, and obv. don't want to contribute to aforementioned mourning. But I'm just saying — life is just little spots of happiness surrounded by a bunch of fucking bullshit. It's one unbearable boner after another unbearable boner. If I have to Exist, and Existing is so imperfect, why can't I just be a fucking cat? Why can't I lick my own ass and feign contentment? Why can't I at least be furry and purr?