Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Recently, I was charged $84 worth of these $7/day fees on top of two $35 overdraft fees. I called the bank to protest, and told them I would pay the two $35 fees but I could not pay the $7/day fees. They would not waive them, even after I told them how embarrassed I felt for having to try to bargain with them, and that I felt like they were bleeding me dry.
And the worst part is their facade of friendliness. They act like they are some kind of saintly bank. Just terrible. I now have to go spend student loan money on ridiculous bank fees. This is why we need someone to regulate the banks. I know I'm not the only one affected by this blatant usury. Forget bank robbery -- they're the ones robbing us.
Anyway, DON'T FUCKING GET AN UMPQUA BANK CHECKING ACCOUNT UNLESS YOU ARE A MILLIONAIRE.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I first noticed there was something
wrong with my body when I saw
the way I grabbed at a keyboard.
My fingers turned to small moons. I thought,
“My God, you can’t touch her with these!”
It’s that uncomfortable torrent of your
teeth again, that hair on your lip that you
push against the mistakes of a coast.
And your ugly mutt of an immune system.
Those sores look like land mines.
The way you hold your cigarette now
reminds me of how they taught us to
pull the pin from a grenade. I go to
sleep thinking of pushing you
down flights and flights, and kissing
that strange piece of equipment you
use to communicate.
Sometimes they squat when
they try to listen to each other
sometimes they formally greet
each other by pulling out a rival’s
stomach. Sometimes, well,
most of the time, they just
ignore each other
because they’re professionals.
They float along like survivors, but they
are just crates. They don’t remember how
to wink, they don’t remember how to
replace breath, they don’t remember
how to pick up the phone.
They don’t float along, they just
chatter against each other like each
thrust of a hate fuck.
He wears his hat in such a way
that suggests his birth. He is tilted and
eyes everything that walks through
the front door with regards to the heft
of their tragedies, wondering which
carry pepper spray, which he could
silence in a darkness. Which would
lead him to somewhere he has
never been. One in particular,
with that sag of the soon dead,
one with the cherry red
lips like forever.
We operated on her like
we were downing old growth.
I said, “The van is too small for this,
the heart too large.”
“Shut up and let’s not drag this out
longer than we ought,” he said.
She whispered, “I love you,” or
maybe it was “help me.”
We, all three of us, were helping
to keep some wheel somewhere
spinning while we were engaged
in the debate of human sleep.
Every time he thinks about
his holes, he goes a little blind.
He feels like he is not a free
enough man and there just
aren’t enough hazy girls on
these corners to completely
reduce him. He thinks hard
for an answer. He thinks about
the give of a slot machine’s
handle. He thinks of a well-tied
knot. He thinks, “What a sidewinder,
that west coast.” He thinks of
the marbled women, the ones
from his shinier days.
He thinks how thumbtacks
cannot support a fraction
of the soul’s theft.
My goal is to get hollower and
meaner. I’m so sick of fighting
the distance. The distance is a
bedridden shore. The distance
is the old way of watching the
stars. The distance is a Happy
Meal full of blood. I am just
telling you this so you don’t
ask me “why” in about six months.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Ooligan Press is excited to announce that award-winning authors Chuck Palahniuk and Ursula K. Le Guin will be sharing their publishing experiences at the Oolicon: Write to Publish open house event, May 23, 2010, at Portland State University.
Palahniuk’s best-known novel, Fight Club, has become an American cult classic. It was the inspiration for the movie of the same name in 1999, directed by David Fincher and starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. Palahniuk has won the Oregon Book Award (Fight Club), and was twice the winner of the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association Award (Fight Club, Lullaby). His latest title, Pygmy (2009), is a dark comedy about a group of foreign exchange students who turn out to be terrorists plotting against the United States.
Joining Palahniuk will be science fiction and fantasy author Ursula K. Le Guin. She has won the Newbury, Nebula, Hugo, and National Book Awards, and is best known for her Earthsea and Hainish Cycle series.
They will speak at the Author Stage on May 23, the second day of the conference. Several other noteworthy Portland-area writers will be appearing as well, including: Shannon Wheeler, creator of Too Much Coffee Man and Eisner Award-winning artist; Deborah Hopkinson, Oregon Book Award-winning children’s author; Virginia Euwer Wolff, National Book Award-winning YA fiction author; and Lilith Saintcrow, popular urban fantasy author.
Write to Publish is a two-day conference held on May 22 and 23, 2010. It aims to demystify the publishing process for writers of all levels of experience. The event will include a workshop day on May 22, where publishing professionals will present a series of classes and lectures for aspiring authors and industry professionals, and an open house on May 23, which will feature an industry mingle room and guest authors speaking on the Author Stage.
Ooligan Press is a nonprofit, student-run, general trade press that publishes books honoring the cultural and natural diversity of the Pacific Northwest. It is affiliated with Portland State University’s master’s program in writing and publishing.